fish love

In many round-a-bout ways, my thoughts always lead me to love. But, when I say Love, to me, Love is not just a romantic concept between two people; Love is all-encompassing and comes in infinite forms.

In the video Rabbi, Dr. Abraham Twerski speaks about what he calls “fish love.” This Love describes what most of us come across regularly, the type of amorous attention or attraction that is attached to physical features and superficial emotions. Shallow Love, self love. It is difficult not to fall into these traps and follow this the unhealthy patterns gratified by social norms. My past experiences weigh heavily on the matter. My discomfort with compliments shines a great light on my initial distrust. When a person compliments my physical appearance, it often feels what they are saying is my appearance gives them pleasure. Granted, would I rather be invisible? Likely I would not enjoy the stark contrast, and yet, I find it difficult to accept praise and compliments because so often they feel hollow or undeserved.

These feelings are significantly exacerbated by sexual assault trauma. I saw just how far someone else’s self-love was willing to go, to the point I was nearly consumed because someone else thought their self-pleasure was more important and didn’t stop to consider my feelings on the matter.

A partnership is not mean to be a, “vehicle for gratification.”

I can only give to you,
what I have already
given to myself.

Women have an innate and divine female energy many of us attempt to deny. Yet, we are told these traits make us weak or too sensitive for the world today.
That is the most backward bullshit ever spoken…



I embrace:
My divine female energy,
which is deeply loving and which longs to share its sensitivity and warmth with others
through connection and intimacy.
…This energy calls me to seek a partner with whom I can share and impart my most holistic self.

From all the experiences I have weathered, I know more of what I do not want in my life, and I feel more empowered to articulate what I can hold space for. I do not long for someone to meet my needs; they are met in myself.

I am not looking for waves that crash upon a shore; I seek the tide.

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